Tuesday, December 5, 2017


I feel like remembering of what I have done this year. Went to Fraser’s Hill learning about Malaysia’s own precious species. The animals and the pods. How they capture the movement of the animals. We did get an appreciation gift. Get some bloody son of the bitch blood sucking. It was an invitation with nice made food. I almost throw out on the way back. I was having a mantra to be quickly down the hill. Water rafting in Ulu Slim river. Learn to cooperate with other people. How to listen the order correctly. We did have some fun. Getting wet the whole day. One boat have exploded. They were okay. Ours get number one to arrive. We do wait for them and we lay ourself on edge of the river. So cold. Feel the sand, the sound of the river flows non stop along the way. I felt Orang Asli who conducted our boat was nagging and it was submerged in between the wind. It was funny though. Coming to the end of the year, a scene with blood sucking son of the bitch was on war with me. I was bleeding enormously on my both feet. I was late to be carpool with friends and forgot many things to bring. We were going three peak at that time which was done from morning to dusk. Raining in the late afternoon which make the trail muddier but it didn't stop us. Stumble upon a huge rock like a two storey building. It was like a strata. A strata should be made from sedimentary rocks. It was not limestone or sandstone. Panti Range is from granite. Granite that was arranged by human? There was an old city called Kota Gelanggi near Kampung Lukut. A civilization. Ulu Sedili river originated from Panti Range.  The city was a lost. Where the people go? Why they go? A bigfoot attack? Covering some valuable thing? Found a new better place? Hardly know. We might get Indiana Jones case there. Can be.  

A lot of things have gone quiet today. The intensity of going through of sharing in social media has become incredibily lessen. It just without the heart. My mind become tired. My soul become numb. Funny stories has become stiff to find. The don’t care attitude has become steady everyday. When I kept quiet, people misunderstood. When in silence, thinking can be better. I just want to feel the silence only. In certain part of the day, feel just want to be in place that I can hear my thought. Maybe it was too much. The brain labyrinth perhaps was a place that all is now. 

Monday, December 4, 2017


Ini bukan kisah untuk membanding tapi kau tak boleh tidak melihat ke dalam diri kau mampu lakukan.
Potensi atau niche kau. 

Kau akan pikir diri kau akan berguna atau tidak dalam satu2 perkara atau kerja. 

Lebih2 lagi itu mungkin kelemahan kekurangan kau dalam bidang itu telah menekan diri kau. 

Kau memikirkan ini suatu ujian untuk menangkis arus hari2.

Ucaplah syukur bila kau dapat bekerja dan rasa kau difully utilised terutama itulah kelebihan kau. 

Dan aku belum jumpai lagi.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

iPod, You Will Be Classic In My Memories

Want to send grandpa iPod to clinic. Again. Kena tinggal. Feel wasted because not settle yet. Today, I learn about audio format.
A bit relieved because learn something. You know something bad happen and its an event you will learn. Something new. 
If my iPod not having a bad behaviour, it didn't bother me to know about the audio format. 
Let loose the high quality audio. 
If I had the choose what field of engineering would like to pursue, it would be sound engineering. If science, psychology neurosciences would be good.
Good luck to my friends who pursue studies, very happy because learning new things is contagious.
No matter what job you do.
Thanks my father who introduce a good music and sound quality means. And to my mother who like to study about religion.
Good balance.
What we like to do for our interest, I guess can be affected to our generation. It might be no a lot but it will leave a trace.
A lot of bad things happen these day, to get stronger is hard. But we learn something new. Your mental will get stronger.

When I Read Reviews About Blade Runner 2049

Woke up this morning remembering cannot sleep last night, sit for a second, running downstairs to start the washing machines, turn off the heater, put on clothes, Que Belang sit at the side cleaning his fur, take a sip from mother's made coffee, halfway hang the clothes, put some kibbles for the cats before I go.
Sitting at the back of the car, listening Funkadelic's Maggot Brain on repeat, my mother and sister conversation in the background, take a painkiller in my pocket, stuck up tissue in my nose, close my eyes, trying to let loose and thinking about humanity.

"Rick Deckard: Sometimes to love someone, you got to be a stranger"
"K: All the best memories are hers."
"Dr. Ana Stelline: Every memory has a piece of it's artist."
Question about humanity. What makes we human when we question our existence, our feelings and our memories.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

A Copy From Quora : Misunderstood

I cannot you enough thank you Mr Joel Griffin, Mr Chill Dude!
Ironically INPFs are the most misunderstood and most misrepresented of all of the types so just because people struggle to find anything positive about them doesn't necessarily mean there are only drawbacks. In fact, most INFP’s will read your list of drawbacks and say about 80–90% of them are not even drawbacks.
A big example: INFPs hate being criticized even when meant to be for positive growth. Here's the thing, people think this means they can't take criticism or deal with confrontation and that they're scared little 4 year olds running away from life, but it's quite the opposite actually. INFPs love to hear criticism. But something to keep in mind is they can see right through you; so when they sense your criticism is coming from a self-righteous and arrogant perspective and spoken as if a subjective opinion is a stone-cold absolutely objective fact, while also claiming it's meant to be taken positive when you're really just trying to get your ego boost for the day by putting someone down but in a way that allows you to sleep at night thinking you're a nice person, then an INFP is going to have a problem with your criticism. There are plenty of bad reasons people give criticism, and sadly more often than not, people criticize for a bad reason. I could actually make a very large list of awful reasons people criticize people while thinking they're being polite when in fact they are not. But I don't want to dwell on one little thing. So Anyways…
I’d make a list of a few people I would argue are absolutely the opposite of “the worst” that are INFP but that list would be endless as well. And that's just the real people. If we included fictional characters we'd have a list of nearly every superhero ever thought of. Heroes from movies that you and everybody else loves and easily relates to.
Now earlier, when I said misunderstood. What I mean is horrendously misunderstood. Like in most cases people are laughably misunderstood, but in an INFP’s case, they're sadly misunderstood. Like exponentially more misunderstood than the second-most misunderstood type.
Something else to keep in mind is comparing a healthy XYXY with an unhealthy XYXY. Comparing a healthy ESTJ to an unhealthy INFP is not fair for anybody and in most cases this is what people do. When someones view of a type is that of an unhealthy version of said type, then of course finding anything positive is completely impossible. And then comparing it to healthy versions of other types is really kind of messed up. Maybe INFPs have a long list of small drawbacks, but every other type has a short list of horrendous drawbacks. So take your pick. Hell, one of the supposed biggest drawbacks of being an INFP is the whole Rose-Colored-Glasses perspective where they only see the positive things in life and in people. Maybe we people could learn a thing or two from that and try using these glasses on the very creators of it for a change. Why can an INFP tell us everything positive about ourselves but then when they ask you to name one positive thing about them you can't think of even one thing? And then we have the balls to say that's a negative trait. Somebody grab the tissues because that's some sad, messed up poopoo we’re sitting in.
I could honestly write all day about how untrue most people's perception of an INFP is horrendously incorrect, but I'm really not in the mood haha
It really all comes down to people looking at INFPs from a superficial perspective. We only look at the rough waves of the ocean without ever taking the time to see the vast and deep sea life growing beneath those very waves. Maybe from our outside perspective it looks rough, but if you dove for even a second you would see it's infinitely more complicated down there than any of us could have cared to imagine. Most of our views of INFPs are thus; we analyze the surface, we think it looks rough and the story ends. What we don't know is that every negative characteristic we think they have is but a misconception based on assumptions. Just like earlier with the criticism. We forget they are deep people and so we think “oh they're just childish” when in reality if done properly and with a loving heart but not a judgemental one, INFPs receive criticism better than anybody. But we can't forget that they see through our folly and will know if you're criticizing for the right reasons. Remember, they have a strong sense and value of morals so when you overstep, what do they do? They pounce. Haha. If anyone's ever properly criticized an INFP you'd know this to be true. They will look up at you with such a strong passion ready to learn as you correct and critique them rather than the usual resentful one which is sadly more common because people hardly ever do this properly. If you ask an INFP how someone should critique someone, they will go on about love and heart and feelings and speak the most philosophical things your ears have ever heard. So when someone doesn't do this, and it's someone that they care about, then they get very confused. “Why do you hate me? You're supposed to love me. Why do you hurt me like this?” And then they go and question everything they know about you. “Why do I love them more than they love me?” You see, INFPs are deep little creatures, and it’d be wise for us not to forget this. Think up any negative trait, and then ask a few INFPs what they think. Most will say “oh I see why you think it's bad, but actually [insert a deep thought here]. I say most because honestly some INFPs have been dragged down so hard and told they're wrong so many times they may have actually started to listen. Sad day.
So are INFPs the unluckiest of the bunch? I'd say quite the opposite. Misunderstood? Absolutely. But being lucky is one of their greatest qualities.

Aku rasa macam nak nangis baca bila diingatkan semuanya betul. 

Syukur. Gratitude.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Mr Bennington

Susulan daripada status pasal Linkin Park die hard fan dan kematian Chester Bennington, aku bukanlah die hard atau dipanggil fan jugak tapi lagu diorang aku still boleh masuk jugak. Suara Chester Bennington oklah pada aku walau tak sepower Cornell sebab pada aku nak tengok suara power tak power tengok suara berapa jauh boleh pegi dan bab menjerit2 tak termasuk. Mr Cornell ni aku start folo pun masa dia dah solo sebab aku suka suara dia. Tapi ini depend pada pendapat masing2.

Memori aku tentang Linkin Park masa aku studi matriks dulu dekat Bukit Mertajam. Aku dulu suka jugak beli kaset, tapi takde sampai tahap beli kaset indie. Aku masuk kedai music store. Time aku nak bayar, Bro Ah Meng tengok serupa tak percaya. Maybe sebab aku pakai tudung hitam hitam sekolah dan baju kurung coklat kotak. Budak baik beli kaset. Dahla scenery kaset gelap je. Prejudis ini berlaku lagi masa aku kat uni masa aku beli kaset Prince’s Musicology. Citarasa tak melambang rupa. Hahaha.
Berakhirnya riwayat kaset Hybrid Theory masa tengah berperang dengan kemarahan diri. Aku main album Hybrid Theory dalam gelap. Pusing punya pusing sampai rosak kaset aku. Gone sudah dalam collection.
Skang illegal download to Ipod. Debut album aku masih lagi berbanding album2 kemudian. A Place For My Head lagu favorite aku. Thanks Mr Bennington for the memories.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Love & Friendship

This title has nothing in common Love & Friendship by Jane Austen. Though the theme is the same. I watched the film and Sir James is very amusing. I Iaughed. Very unexpected ending indeed. 

Love is a commitment. Love is big. As for Greek, there is 5 types of love.

Friendship is built on trust. We might friend with them. It built for years.  We get a wrong concept when involved with different gender. And if a different gender friend, they will fall on love. As it for me, love is one and we cannot love equally with a lot of people. Friendship is you care even he is married already. I will not dive in furthermore because this cause strained with wife and jealousy and confusion. As female which rule with emotion, you cannot control with it and be wise. We have genuine feeling but sometimes misunderstood by others. And that we pray.

Talk like friend. Talk has feeling? What is this? There are sometimes we like to talk with male friend and sometimes female friend. Small talk is exhausting. We need serious talk. We talk what we like in common. We talk about our interest. Why waste the time talking unnecessary. Just remember to talk about lecturer and the pattern and the behaviour. We talk and we forgot time until we remind that is our time. Just remember we talk about tiring and still want to do the hiking. It is a relief really. We thanked for that. 

Care and sacrifice, we sometimes blindly understand it. Understand is a big word. Just remember, took take the parents and little brother who had high fever. It is tiring to do all things alone. Now I know. What it feel like a mother, a woman which lesser strength than a man be able to all things. Work in days and later at night, work as housewife. Do multiple things non stop. I just realised that. Wow, what a powerful human being. Did it to do all this things has to talk in doing it. Take your time. Think. Unwise? Lazy? Feelingless. I don’t know if is called love. You let all this things at one side. Didn’t it occurred in your mind? Maybe we are not exposed enough. Adventure feed our soul. 

Maybe we did not understand enough. If not understand, seek and ask. 

We are define by our action, not words. 

I always write when cannot sleep and in bleak phase with the music on, which is right Shadow On the Run by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club